Maybe Pants and Booze Aren't so Bad? (a conversation with an apostolic woman.)

This Sunday, I visited the First Pentecostal Church in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I’ve never been there for a Sunday service before, but I have been for the occasional special service. Instead of a sermon, however, I was treated to a concert by a local Cajun/bluegrass gospel band. I was disappointed at not hearing a sermon, but I stayed for the music, which was fantastic. After it was over, I was making my rounds talking to people I knew, when I ran into an old acquaintance of mine. Our conversation started normally enough, but it ended in me having the devil rebuked out of me, and a burning question in my head:

At what point do you let your ‘faith,’ blind you to reality?

You don’t become an Apostolic overnight. When you first join, you are ‘let in,’ as it were, by degrees. A typical new convert can expect to have a series of Bible studies with an established member of the church. At first these lessons will be very general; the “essentials,” if you will, of their doctrine. How to attain Salvation, which includes repenting, (turning away from sin,) being baptized by water immersion, and, “receiving the Holy Spirit,” proof of which to them is speaking in “Holy Tongues.” But this is just the starter pack. The more involved you choose to become, the Bible studies become less about Salvation, and more about how to live your life. They will be about the necessity of separation in male and female dress, abstinence from all alcohol, drugs -illegal ones, that is- and premarital sex. These lessons will be backed up by carefully selected Bible passages and scriptures. At first, they are very straightforward scriptures, obvious and easy to understand. As they leave the Salvation aspect behind, the scriptures become much vaguer, and open to broad interpretation. By this point, however, you are used to taking their interpretation of the Bible as the truth, and are much less likely to question these things as you would if you were not already used to the ideas. If you question what they teach, they will be more than happy to talk to you, and explain things to you.

But make no mistake, they will brook no argument with their beliefs. And if you want to serve in any capacity in the church, including singing, playing instruments, and teaching, you will have to adhere to them whole-heartedly.

So, as you grow in the church, and start reaching out to other people and telling them about your church and what you believe, you are taught stock answers to common questions people outside of your religion often ask you. These are the answers you received yourself, and questioning them (past a certain shallow extent,) is taken as a ‘lack of faith,’ in either the Bible or your pastor. And, as the Bible says, “by grace ye are saved through faith...” (Eph. 2:9). And so, a lack of faith in either of these things could negate your own Salvation. So, you accept these answers. You quickly learn them by heart, out of necessity from telling all your friends and acquaintances why you behave the way you do. I am going to take a couple of those answers right now, and debunk them, just like I did for this girl I was conversing with.

Question: Why shouldn’t women wear pants?

Stock Answer: The Bible tells us that, “a woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all that do so are an abomination to the Lord thy God.” (Deut. 22:5). In this country, the garment for male is trousers, and the garment for female is skirts or dresses. Women only started wearing trousers during the war, when they had to fill the place of men and wear their working garb. After the war, women wearing trousers became the fashion, as it is to this day. However, the World is well aware of the distinction between male and female dress. After all, if you use a public restroom, the sign on the door will have either a stick figure woman wearing a skirt, or a stick figure male wearing pants.

Well, first off, I’d like to give my opinion of this scripture. I believe it refers to transgender individuals. Individuals who make it a mission to change their appearance from one gender to the next.  It makes sense to me that the writer of this passage would have a problem with that. He also has some very extreme views about extramarital affairs.

Good thing he never tried his  hand at church signs.

It is true, that at one point in our country's history, it was very unusual and even scandalous for a woman to wear trousers. However, that is not the case today. Pants are made for women. Different from men’s in both sizing and design. Even if a woman wears pants made for men, it is far from uncommon. It is so socially acceptable in fact, that there are male pants made specifically to be worn by women. They’re called “boyfriend” jeans.

But the church is not supposed to reflect the appearance of the world! The Bible says, “we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a peculiar people…” (1 Peter 2:9). We need to be separate from the world.

The thing is, - aside from the travesty of this verse being brutally ripped out of context to prop your strawman - the apostolic church has changed its laws of attire, to match a changing world.

These are pictures of an Amish woman, and an apostolic woman, respectively. Which one looks more modern to you? The Amish truly are clearly separate from the world, not just half-assing it like Apostolics. But while I don’t plan on opening the can of worms that is “modesty” in the Apostolic church just yet, I want to make absolutely clear to you, that this...

...is just as modest as this.

You don’t trade in your vagina for a penis when you put on a pair of pants. Nobody is going to mistake you for the wrong gender unless you want them to.

if only she had a penis.

Question: Why shouldn't I drink alcohol?

Stock Answer:The Bible warns us against drunkenness. In Romans, it says “let us walk honestly, as in the day, not in rioting and drunkenness…”(Rom. 13:13) We also know from Galations that “envyings, murders, drunkenness…shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Gal. 5:21). Furthermore, Peter tells us to “be sober, and watch unto prayer.” (1 Peter 4:7).

So, here’s the thing: I think most people, myself included, agree that drunkenness is harmful to your life. In copious amounts, alcohol can kill, after all. To a lesser extreme, drunkenness can also cause vomiting, continuously lessened inhibitions, and even memory loss. Alcoholism can not only wreak havoc on your body, but it can destroy relationships as well. I don’t think anyone would disagree with this, believer or not. However, there is a vast

difference between drinking.... 

  and drunkenness.

You can drink alcohol without being – or becoming – an alcoholic. Just like you can eat food without being a glutton. In fact, I have a suspicion that if Peter & Co. were writing in the present day, you’d see more warnings about the dangers of caffeine, sugar, and fast food. The Bible makes a rather clear distinction between drinking wine, and being a drunkard. In one passage in Psalms, the writer extols the virtues of the Lord, and expresses gratitude at the many wonderful things he does for mankind. One of these things is “wine that maketh glad the heart of man…” (Psa. 104:15). Oh, and by the way, what was Jesus’ first miracle again? What was it… his very first miracle… oh yes. He turned gallons of water into gallons of wine at a wedding which unfortunately had run out. And the Bible goes out of its way to specify, that it was the very finest of wine. They had a wine critic at the wedding, and he confirms this. It was not the unfermented “grape juice” the Apostolic church would like you to believe. 

Jesus kept the party lit.

Don’t get me wrong. Some people cannot drink without going overboard. Alcoholics must avoid it at all costs, because they can’t handle it. But some people also have a gluten allergy, and that doesn’t mean everyone should abstain from bread.

Those are the only points I’d like to cover right now, lest we be here all day. As our conversation went on, the girl I was talking to became very agitated. She ended the conversation abruptly, telling me she sensed a “spirit of criticism,” in me. (Guilty.) She rebuked the spirit “in Jesus name,” like it was some kind of spell. But sorry, Hermione, my critical spirit remains intact. I suppose Jesus didn’t feel inclined to come running to rebuke imaginary spirits at your finger snap. Maybe because he himself was the biggest critic of the church in the entire Bible. Maybe he was just busy. 

Jesus also shut the party down.